Breaking a Heart

I imagine that many of you have given up on my blog, and for good reason. I've been quite the absentee. Anyway I'm working on this piece for my creative writing class, and I thought I'd share. I'd love to know (objectively as possible) what you think:

Breaking a Heart

In order to break a heart, you have to first hold it.

Tell him your secrets.
Let him protect you.
Laugh at jokes you make together.
Make friends of his friends.
Cook for him.
Show him your family.
Remember his stories.
Care about something.
Geek out to him.
Hold back only a little.
Listen.
Have subtle quirks and moods.
Watch his shows.
Cry once.
Be a reason he smiles.
Stick around.
Want something else.

It takes time but not as much as you’d expect. And once his heart is yours, you’ll be hard-pressed to lose it. Doesn’t matter if you want it or not; you don’t have to accept his heart for it to be yours. When one of his parents looks at you like she’d like to hug you but knows she shouldn’t, you’re set to crush. And this is all you have to do to finish the demolition. You don’t need to give your heart to him. You don’t even have to flirt. But you do have to care, just not enough.

SNUCK

I've noticed an outrageous trend. It's this: snuck. And unfortunately it's not a trend; it's actually in the dictionary as an alternate past tense of the word "sneak"-- like the obnoxious little brother of "sneaked."

It's crept into my college dictionary, and that upsets me.

Believe it or not, I'm not an early-adapter when it comes to words. The thought makes me cringe.

Words become legitimate when we bestow the combination of letters and sounds with meaning, with experience and story. When a word has an established meaning and carries a widely-experienced connotation then it can find its place alphabetically in the beautiful book.

Unfortunately a lot of the new words that make their way into the dictionary (aside from all the technology-related words) are ugly spin-offs of real words-- like a Hollywood remake of a once-magnificent film. Even saying the word "snuck" makes my mouth feel ugly. Go ahead, try it.

Feels sloppy right? Missing that clean end that you get with "sneaked" and the feeling of deliberate treachery you get from considering "sneaky."

The Drawer of Odds and Ends

I don't like dealing with those things in the day-to-day that go in THAT drawer. You know, the drawer that holds extra key chains, the pink erasers that no one seems to use, single batteries, and something broken that you just can't stand to put in the trash.

My old email account is much like this drawer. I made illegally_blonde218 when I was about to start eighth grade. I've since made a new account that I use for all of my business (which is mostly extremely interesting stuff-- adventures and magic and those sorts of things). However, I can't seem to part with my old address.

I'm not sure exactly why. I suppose it's the same reason I can't get rid of the stuff in that drawer.

So the mail piles up. I always look over it, and I don't miss anything important. But my unread-message count is at 704 right now. That's not terribly unreasonable, right?

Okay, I know I should clear it out. I do even occassionally think about it when I'm in class. And right before I go to bed. And when I'm getting ready in the morning. And when I drive home.

Perhaps I should do something about it. Until I decide whether to act on this feeling, chew on these: (my roommates' first email addresses)
purplesnails88
dancingthroughlife8
butterflycatcher11
glittergal

Care to share yours? I swear I won't judge you, and our friendship won't change at all-- unless it just gets better.

Like a Hero

This weekend I conquered a life-long terror of rocks. Wait, I meant heights (notice, I didn't say "heighths" since that is not a word).

With an old friend and a stranger I rode down near St. George and slept on the cold ground where the bedrock shows through. The stars blanketed my waking dreams. It was really cold; like I had frost on my person as I slept.

(Right about now I imagine that you're thinking, "Duh, Ashley. Of course there was frost. It's JANUARY, and you're in Utah." And you're right. I'm going to blame college for the limitations of my cognitive abilities and stunted desicion-making skills.)

Anyway, I woke up enough times to see the sky turn from one form of beautiful to another all night. In the morning, it was time for bouldering. I only made the boulder writhe beneath my little feet once. I didn't want to make it to the top enough times to hurt its confidence-- I can only imagine the toll emotional breakdowns must have on an over-climbed boulder.

We wandered for the rest of the afternoon around a beautiful little valley that was just itching to be climbed on. After lunch, we headed for some real rocks. I didn't think much about them because I didn't want to have to vomit at the idea of trying to shimmy up one.

When I eventually did, it was paralyzing, traumatizing, and just generally a great time for me to think that other things were more important than breathing (seriously, I don't think I drew breath at any point while I was touching that rock).

And then I sat on the top of that sharp drop off, and I knew what victory felt like for I had conquered that sharp sheet of molten death-trap. Just me and the trusty forest-green rope.

From there, coming down felt like flying. I love that. I have always wanted to be able to fly. I imagine it feels a lot like swimming. But slicing through the air and not being so wet.

It was a great way to adventure on a weekend and I suggest you each take an adventure sometime soon. However, I do not condone sleeping under the stars on your adventure unless you are sleeping significantly closer to the equator than St. George.

The New Ashley

Be unselfish. That is the first and final commandment for those who would be useful and happy in their usefulness. If you think of yourself only, you cannot develop because you are choking the source of development, which is spiritual expansion through thought for others.
- Charles W. Eliot

My New Testament professor challenged us last week to make our best efforts to be a Good Samaritan.
 
While I'm struggling to be any kind of Samaritan, I have noticed that I am totally surrounded by angels. I am the recipient of a lot of Good Samaritaning. I have the kindest roommates and I'm so grateful for their friendship.
 
I figured that I would make this quote my motto so that I can give more, since I'm always getting so much love.
 
Also, as a sidenote, I got into the Advertising Program. I'm pretty stoked.

Sick

This one has been a rough weekend. I've got a cold that's kicking my butt. BUT I think I'm starting to win out. Hopefully I can claim a victory by tomorrow morning. I've got stuff to do, people to see, places to be.

I find out tomorrow afternoon whether I got into the advertising program-- fingers crossed.

I'm also thinking about shipping off to India at the beginning of next year. I'm pretty excited about it. I could definitely use a good adventure right about now.

I have the best roommates. The 6-girls situation freaked me out at first, but it's working out so well. We're a cute little family. Unfortunately we live in a hole. But we're making do.

I am 21 now. I got my first ticket on my birthday. It was stellar. Luckily, I get to take traffic school. Lindon City is so kind to me.

Moving Out

Yes, they're all mine.

And this is just the beginning.

How am I ever going to take all of this stuff with me?